KBCW: Pit Edition
by Atlas the Wise
Summary: Welcome to Keep Beach City Weird: Pit Edition where we'll explore the one realm that is so weird it is called The Pit. This realm has one name and that is: Fanfics. Join paranormal investigator and conspiracy theorist Ronaldo Fryman as he attempts to uncover this strange realm.


**Welcome to another story I had in mind which I like to called KBCW: Fanfic Edition. Basically I got this idea off some couple stories I checked out on other archives and I was thinking 'hey maybe I could have some fun with this idea' and so I'm doing it right now. Hopefully we'll have a jolly good time and not stir up drama like for example kidnapping a kid and trying to dissect him (Seriously who on earth would do that?) Anyway, let's see how this will go.**

 **Update: Title has been changed to KBCW: Weirdie Edition**

" _GREETING FANFIC USERS, BEHOLD YOU IS THE SEEKER AND THE BEARER OF TRUTHS OF ALL THINGS WEIRD HAPPENING 24/7 (Minus some inconveniences I had in the past). SOME OF YOU ARE SURPRISED THAT I'VE COME TO A SITE LIKE THIS BUT DON'T WORRY YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FOR THE VERY REASON WHY I CAME HERE WILL EASE YOUR NERVES. FOR YOU SEE, I'VE BEEN THINKING THESE LAST FEW DAYS. 'WHAT SHOULD I THAT'S EXTRA SPECIAL AND VERY BLOGWORTHY! WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO INVESTIGATE ASIDE FROM THE WEIRD STUFF THAT'S HAPPENING IN TOWN. SO THAT IS WHEN I DECIDED TO TAKE THIS INTERNATIONALLY AND WHAT IS MORE INTERNATIONAL THAN THE INTERNET AND WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WATCHERS AND WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FANS-"_

"RONALD! WOULD YOU GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND GET TO WORK ALREADY?!" A voice called out to him. "THIS IS IMPORTANT DAD! I'M TRYING TO DO SOMETHING BLOGWORTHY!" Ronald responded back. "I swear where did I go wrong with him." Mr. Fryman swored where Ronald could not hear what he said.

" _Anyway since I'm done with the shoutout (Considering I was rudely interrupted. Dads.), what is more important than fans than fanfiction which is just so filled with weirdos who are obsessed with non-canon and crack pairings or_ _writers who deviate from the main plot posting a side story_ _or an AU_ _that takes place after the material is shown_ _or in an alternate timeline_ _or_ _fans who post about stories filled with a strange persona or original characters that somehow relate to the material somehow. Man those guys are so weird and egotistical. Besides, I got the next best thing: A hobosona! A persona or rather an OC that is for the No Home Boys._ _His name is Ronaldo Bindleberry and his special bindle items consists of a can of bean, a photo of his long lost brother (He'll find you someday my friend), and a level 7 lode blade from Time Trigger (Whch will be used to fight wolves and open the can of beans). Don't judge me. Hey, at least I personally found the new book average at best giving it at least a C+."_ Ronald finishes up the paragraph and now moves on to another to continue his rather unnoticeable sad life he's going to lead now.

" _Moving on, as a side dish, we'll also be trying to deal with trolls and flames. Flames will be the most easiest considering we can simply remove them or at the very least block them from reviewing the story. Trolls on the other hand are nothing but people who are bore or angry at a certain person and try to pass off fake stories as 'stories' to attack them or even flame them in the review section even resorting to posting a guest review under a certain name. Man, whoever they are they must live a sad life_ _but don't be angry at them. Pity them for they are lonely inside. That way we can make the a better place without anger or hate. Don't worry trolls, we're here for you anytime."_ Ronaldo finishes up this paragraph by ending it with a Peace sign and a glowing, yellow, smiley face.

" _Let's begin shall we. Speaking of_ _an AU fanfic let's try to review one. This one I like to call "The Homeworld Gems: Chrysalis". Boy are we in for a doozy. Apparently this is some sort of High School AU that like I said deviates away from the main plot of show and takes place in some sort of alternate timeline._ _So the plot is about according to what it says on the synopsis in short is that it's about a bunch of teenage girls that will try to deal with saucy romances and deal with typical high school stuff_ _while also trying to learn the importance of growing up. Now what do I think of it overall: It's alright. It still has the typical cliché vibe that many other High School AU stories have on this site already but it at least tries to play it differently by adding that coming-of-age story trope to it. Of course that brings us to what I found negative about it: It's not complete. Yeah, you know for a coming-of-age story it seems to be lacking it since HE NEVER BOTHER TO CONTINUE OR COMPLETE IT! Unacceptable! In fact that brings us to why I'm reviewing this story._ _Join me now as I take this live."_ Ronaldo closes his laptop after typing up the paragraph and posting a link. He then pulls out his smart phone and starts to record for his linked stream right before he started dialing the telephone.

"I'm going to show you author." He mumbled. The phone was answered. "Hello, who is this?"

"What's your user?"

"Excuse me?" The man on the phone was puzzled. "Your user! You know the name for the site."

"Oh. It's Mr. Author."

"Really, that's your name?" Ronaldo noted in monotone. "Look, what's a lad like you want?"

"Easy... FINISH YOUR AU STORY!"

"What is this a blatant product placement?"

"NO! THIS IS THE TRUTH! We demand that we finish your story you nark!"

"Jeese kid calm down! I'm trying as hard as I can!"

"THAT'S UNEXCUSABLE! We demand better!"

"Kid, do you really want to do this?"

"YES AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION WE'RE NOT JUST KIDS! WE ARE EACH A NATION THAT STAND UNITED AGAINST THE CORPORATIONS AND ANY SINISTER POLICTICAL BODY THAT STANDS IN OUR WAY FOR ONCE WE TRULY PASS THEIR GRIPS ON HUMANITY THAT WE SHALL BE TRULY FREE FROM THE POISON AND CYNICISM OF MANKIND! YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO TAKE US ALL ON ESPECIALLY ME. COME AT ME IF YOU WILL!" The man sighed taking in very much pity for this particular kid like many others he encountered before. "Kid, where do you live?"

"Hah! You can't trick me! You can't trick all of us!"

"Uh-huh..."

"Yeah, for we are each a nation..." Meanwhile, away from the background noise known Ronaldo, the man known as Mr. Author was pulling up a motion sensor interface all literally done by the tips of your finger all the while _Ghost Riders in the Sky_ by Johnny Cash was playing in the background. "Location identify!" The AI said with the man then pulling up the location.

"Beach City huh? Computer, find the nearest warp pad."

"Aye aye sir." The man turns away from the interface and proceeds to walk down the bridge arming his M-6 Carnifex as he went along. "Salarian! Krogan! Get ready! We got an important person to meet!"

"Ugh! Man I'm bored. Pearl, Garnet, don't we have some important gem stuff to do like fight monsters or something." Amethyst complained. "For the last time Amethyst, we don't." Pearl said in response once again much to both Amethyst's dismay and Pearl's annoyance.

"If you're bored Amethyst maybe we can play a game." Steven bought up to try and cheer the purple gem and get her out of the funk

"As long as I'm not bored out of my mind I don't care. What is it anyway?"

"Well-"

"Why do I hear music?" Pearl was quick to take note interrupting Steven. "What do you mean?" Suddenly, the warp pad was activated and as soon as the veil came to a close on the pad stood three strange figures. Cutting off the music, the masked man turned to his Salarian. "I though you said the house was clear."

"Predictions are never that accurate sir."

"Ugh. I guess this will do." The man turned to the four occupants of the beach house. "Allow me to introduce myself. I'm simply a man with a question and who wishes you know harm alongside my companions. We simply wish to find a man who is of the utmost importance to the objective."

"That sounds simple. Who is it?" Steven answered to the man. "Steven! What if their lying?"

"I assure you madam we mean you and the boy harm. If we wish to harm you would have had guns pointed at your faces and to answer to question young man," The man pulled up a picture from his smart phone and then showed it to Steven, "We're looking for him: Ronaldo Fryman."

"Why are you looking for Ronaldo?" Steven questioned a bit puzzled about the revelation. "WE WANT TO BEAT THE TAR OUT OF HIM!" The krogran barked with no manners to an indoor voice. "What?! Why?"

"It's because he has become a bit of a nuisance after attacking me for no reason during a chat I had with him on a telephone so now we're here to return the favor with a much _graver_ response."

"Come on you guys," Steven said attempting to reach out to them, "I know what he did is likely wrong but how is attacking him much better? Can't you at least try to reason with him first with resorting to violence?" The man looked left and right to his companions and in just a second, "Okay."

"Really?" Steven said completely shocked by the quick call of judgment. "Oh come on boss!" The krogan whined. "No whining. We reason with him first." The krogan groaned much to his disappointment.

"Don't worry guy, I'm sure things will go smoothly from here." Steven reassuring them.

10 MINUTES LATER

"Apparently, the author and the otherworldly attempted to make 'contact' with me and after the 'meeting' was established the Crystal Gems and Steven were quick to also make 'contact' with the visitors and after their 'meeting' the visitors 'agreed' to leave and will not return to Earth after that. However, one particular thing that remains a mystery is that as they were leaving one of the visitor noted that the Gems themselves reminded him of the Asari. Who are these Asari? What are they planning? Is Earth under threat from another invasion or occupation or worse? Join me next time weirdies as we attempt to discover this new stunning evidence. Plus I got to take a break from the phone since the doctor told me to not move my shattered arm bone at all. Also- OW!"

 _All citations and sources belong to Ronaldo Fryman of Keep Beach City Weird*_

 _*The visitors not included for they are not canon._

 **Yeah... That was weird right. I swear it wasn't like that. It was just going to be him talking about the story I made which in this story is some type of parody of it and a rather poorly titled one at that. Don't worry I assure you that the next chapter isn't anywhere as weird as this one. I assure you. Also the alien species minus the Gems listed in this story are from a game which I found fitting to Steven Universe. Trust me it makes a lot of sense if you read the information or played the game. Hope you enjoyed it or at least thought it was alright.**


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